DOARS- Day 12 -Gooey Center

Dear Diary,

Thank goodness yesterday is over! All that confusion, all that softness, bleh. I'm done with that. Today, I'm determined to hate the world, because that makes me happy.

I start your scheduled programming with a demonstration of why I hate the world. The world- or at least the laws of nature- dictates that one needs nourishment to continue. I defy you, world! Food? HA! Watch me starve! And yet, I know I have to cave in or die.

Stupid world, why can't I go on not eating if that's what I chose? Why must I always be told what to do? Eat, Lynn. Shower, Lynn. Work, Lynn. Run on the treadmill, Lynn. Make friends, Lynn. Stop killing innocent birds, Lynn. Meh. This world with all of its rules and regulations, constantly bossing me around. I hate it. And really, how can a bird be innocent? It chirps.

Not only must I eat to go on living... and hating the world, I also get extremely uncomfortable if I don't. How is that fair? It's like a form of torture, 'You'll be uncomfortable if you don't give in to our demands,' Imagine the world is part of the mafia, and it's saying that to you. Maybe now you understand my frustration. Stupid world... but the waffles were pretty tasty, and maybe I'll eat them more often.

More reasons to hate the world: cheap showers always break and flood your bathroom with questionable water. It's like a plot to kill me by drowning (keeping in mind that the world is the muscle for a mafia, and I'm not playing nice with his mafia buddies). So far I've managed to hold back the flood waters, but what if one day I can't? If I drown it's all that shower's fault. That and the world. I mean, this stupid world makes you breath air. Why can't I breath water if I so chose? Why must I be so limited in how I chose to continue living? "You'll be dead, if you don't cede to our demands."
What? I'm sure that's the right way to use 'cede.' What are you picking on me for anyways? I'm not the criminal using it in the first place! It's the world, it's the one using questionable vocabulary, I'm just writing down what it said.

Back to the non-literary discussion part of this diary entry.
Yes it's dark out already. Thanks for asking. No, I didn't just skip a large chunk of the day (by going to work or doing some other activity that I would wish to hide from you, diary). The answer to what appears to be missing time is this: the world stinks, that's what.

Remember yesterday? Remember how I had the brilliant idea to work out until 3 am? Well, guess what? The world (I'm getting tired of calling it that, it's working for the mob after all, so I'm gonna call it Tony, from now on) decided that normal people have to sleep for several hours to be well rested, I just happen to be a normal person, and therefore I didn't wake up until just before noon. Meh. So yes, the sun had already set and I hadn't even really begun my day yet. Okay, fine, yes it's begun already. I was hoping to get to chat a bit with Cyclon3 today. I mean, because of yesterday's weirdness, I thought it would be a good idea to see him and remind myself why he's not spouse material. He is, after all, part of the Tony, the Tony that I hate.

And yes, I realize I didn't clarify earlier, but let me do so now, today is Thursday, and as a minor leaguer, I don't work on Thursdays.

Apparently Cyclon3 does though. He, thankfully, came to the door himself to welcome me. This time he called me, "Lynn." Which was much better than "crazy rabid fitness chick." I think our friendship is improving. Actually I think this was the first time he's called me by name, which was nice. It sounded sort of pleasant coming from him. Peculiar right? I think my name should sound the same no matter who says it, but stupid Tony had to make stupid laws that make stupid people's stupid voices sound stupidly dissimilar. Meh.

As positive reinforcement of him using my name I gave him a present. Now we'll have one less citizen of SV rioting or raving at inappropriate times. Joy. I hate that people can't riot or rave whenever and wherever they please. I hate that I had to read that ridiculous book in the first place. I hate that I'm not a sports star yet, I hate that tomorrow I have to work. Face it, I just really hate everything and everyone that has anything to do with Tony.

Excluding computers, I had forgotten about them. Now, now, stop freaking out. I know, I can't believe I forgot about computers, either, but that's no call to go on a rampage. I still love computers, and I want one for my home quite badly. Which reminds me, I should mention that to the gnomes. Also I should mention Tony to them and see if that can offer any insight into that. The next time I'm home I'll do some laundry as a way to appease them, I can't afford to lose their cooperation. Especially now that we've established that it's me against Tony.

The wonders of computers makes an excellent topic of conversation for days like today. It helps me focus on something that I actually enjoy in this giant expanse of stupidness. I learned from this topic that Cyclon3 shares my love of electronics, and that we might actually have something in common. I also learned that he has kind of a nice smile when he's looking at me like that. Despite this, his smile made me a little uncomfortable. It wasn't uncomfortable like starving is uncomfortable, though. It was more uncomfortable like having to talk to the boss is uncomfortable... if the boss is Leighton (not Tony). Yeah, don't think about it too much. I'm going to stop thinking about it right now, and never think about it again.

Hopefully.

Thankfully, Cyclon3 was there to distract me from making a big deal about anything. He happily jabbered away about computers. Well, 'jabber' is really the wrong verb to use. Wait, is jabber even a real word? Does it have to be a real word to be a verb? Meh, nuances, whatever. I'm using it as a verb here, and hopefully you know what it means. No matter, in my understanding of this potentially-fake-word it kind of has to do with rambling on and on aimlessly, which is not what Cyclon3 was doing here. Actually he was speaking quite intelligently and entertainingly about computers and their role in modern society. There's something about him when he's extolling the virtues of computers, something rather... well... handsome... really. Perhaps it was only attractive because I happened to agree with him on everything he was saying...? Maybe? Know what? I don't care what you have to say and I refuse to listen to your silly theories right now. So there. 'Sides, it was getting quite late and I didn't feel like having to get a taxi to go home, so I figured I'd ask if I could stay over like I did the night before last.

And, I can't really explain what happened next. In fact I'm ignoring it. Let's just say, he thought that was  great idea. Now I'm going to bed. Alone. (That's a good thing, btw.)

Denying everything,

Lynn Winslow