DOARS- Week 3, Day 1- Man Eater

Dear Diary,

Well, today I woke up in an entirely different mood and with a whole new attitude. I was gonna kick Tony's butt. I made the firm decision to live my life the way I wanted to. I'm not gonna feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm going to stare my emotions in the face and handle them. Oh yes, I am a changed woman.

I am Lynn Winslow and I decide how I feel and what I do with my life. Take that Tony!

First up on the down with Tony mentality is thwarting his latest attempt on my life. I can't believe that silly bugger seriously thought he'd get me just cos I was off my game yesterday. Ha! I'm too smart for him.

Then, of course, my typical breakfast of Lynn Winslow (aka, champion) was on the menu. This was a new day after all, and a new day required new food- per Tony's laws. Well, whatever. Even if I couldn't really delete all his influence on my life, I could at least not let him get me down, right?

After breakfast I had a pleasant surprise. Leighton called, and my heart did not flutter for the second time at the sound of his voice- also he informed me that I was out of the game today. Why is that pleasant you ask? Well, I can hardly tell you that, now can I? All will (perhaps) be made clear before the end of the entry, though, have no fear! At any rate I had a day off, thankfully!

That day off started in much the way days off don't usually start. I cleaned my house. Top to bottom. Every nook and cranny. I'm sure the gnomes will love it. Perhaps they'll even replace my shower? I've decided that the shower is really beyond repair and should simply be replaced. I mean, I don't think it even pretends to give me warm water anymore. No matter, I'm far too spectacular to let that get me down. Not today, and especially not on a day off. I'm determined to enjoy myself. And yes, cleaning the entire house is exactly how most people enjoy themselves.

My next, and probably biggest, surprise was a visit from my favorite guy. Yes that's right. I'm not hiding from it anymore. He's my best friend. He's an all around great guy. I'm pretty fortunate to have him in my life, actually. I mean, I know I dodged how I felt for quite a while. I told myself it wasn't true and didn't even write about it save once, but, let's face it. I prefer Cycl0n3's company to Monica's and not only when I'm eating, but at any time.

I mainly blame this on Monica's change in marital status. Now that she and Gus are sickeningly sweet, hanging out with her just isn't the same. Anyways, I freely admit it. Cycl0n3 is my absolute best friend and probably always will be.

Cycl0n3 and I always have such a blast together. Everything is better with him around. I mean, when I'm around him I don't even think about Tony or about the gnomes or about how crappy my shower is or how I forked out way too much money for this little hovel that's been painted into looking like cottage. I bet that even if I was washing the dishes with long sleeves and they got wet (and stayed wet for the whole day) I wouldn't even mind if Cycl0n3 was there. I wonder if he'd be my roommate? I mean we're totally platonic, so it's not like a big commitment, I think. We're best friends, it kind of makes sense, right? We should totally be roommates.

I told him as much.

Now, I know that I haven't really known him for too long. Only a couple of weeks, but in relation to how long we live- that's plenty sufficient to really know someone. So I'd say I probably know Cycl0n3 better than I know anyone else. So imagine my surprise when he didn't seem pleased! I mean, I kind of thought that he'd be like "eh, I don't know, lemme think about it,"  but he didn't even say anything. He just kinda dug his toe into the floor and frowned. Well, frown isn't quite the right word- he looked really.... sad. I can't even think of why. I mean, what in the world? I wanted to spend my life with him, why would that make him sad?

Well, two seconds later I got the point. 

I guess, well, he wanted to spend his life with me, too, just not... as friends. Now I've got to say I was a whole host of emotions after he kissed me. The emotions were these (and in this order): 1) I was in complete and total shock that he was such a great kisser; 2) I was impressed at his boldness; 3) I was confused that he kissed me; 4) I was angry that he didn't agree to move in with me; 5) I was happy that the previous feeling wasn't because he was wanted to cut me out of his life; 6) I was embarrassed that I didn't push him away and didn't want to; and 7) I was really uncertain about how to proceed.

 He seemed a little less uncertain than me, however. Which was also a little embarrassing. I mean, I'm Lynn Winslow, right? I'm smart, beautiful, fairly famous. I mean, I play for the SV Llamas, and people gossiped about me. How did I let him make a move before I did? Wait, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, hellooo, I didn't want to make a move on him. He's Cycl0n3. He wet himself in front of me. He made me buy him dinner. He consistently left me in the mornings without saying goodbye. Okay, that last one sounds way worse than it should. NOTHING happened. Seriously. Nothing.

Well, aside from that kiss today.

 Anyways, back to Cycl0n3 having some idea as to what he ought to do. He told me that um... well.... goodness, this is harder to say than I thought it would be. Well.... ah.... he... uh.... he... he told me he loved me.

 I was kind of at a loss for words. I mean, his confessing like that really didn't bother me. The fact that it didn't bother me, really did bother me though. I wasn't planning on getting married and really not to Cycl0n3 Sw0rd! And yet... honestly I really wouldn't have minded that too much. After all, I did want to live with him. At the end of the day I wanted to come home and find him there and then spend my evening with him. I wanted to wake up next to him.

Hmm, I perhaps should have thought about that last one a little harder. If he moved in with me platonically, we wouldn't be sharing a bed, right? So why did I want him there?

Well, I know what you're thinking. I'm not stupid, remember? I'm even wondering about it myself. Am I in love with Cycl0n3 Sw0rd?

He wears silly glasses. He's a total loser. He's incontinent. He just told me he loves me. He's got that ridiculous little smile when he looks at me. When he talks about computers he's even hotter than Leighton. Wait, what? No I didn't mean that. Leighton is the greatest guy in town... or well... he was, but... he's a total player. Since I moved here he's lived with two different ladies. Right now he's with Zelda Mae. Ewww. I mean, when they got together she was married to someone else. Ewwww. Okay fine, I will admit it, I don't think Leighton is hot anymore. Thinking about it honestly, he's a little bit repulsive, and I can't imagine that the way he lives his life is appropriate for a father of a small boy.

Back to Cycl0n3- I can't love him. That's just impossible. I don't have like, an honest to goodness reason- but it's Cycl0n3 and I'm Lynn Winslow- B-list celebrity and newest addition to the soccer team.

So I responded the only way I could. I thanked him. I know, kind of dumb. Who thanks someone for their confession? Well, I do! That's who. Let's face it, I can play it super cool.

I'll admit it, when he kissed me I felt butterflies in my stomach. I kind of felt like I was suffocating. I enjoyed his physical proximity. I was glad that I kissed him back- but let's not jump to any silly conclusions about how I felt about him, okay?

Yikes, did that sound as bad to you as it did to me? I'm not seriously in love with him, am I?

When he put his hand behind my head and kissed me again, I let him. Can you believe that? I can't.

When he asked me if I'd give him a chance and be his girlfriend, I... well, I agreed. Don't judge me! I couldn't say no. I looked into his eyes, and I just couldn't not agree. Was I leading him on? Maybe, I don't know. I think I'm probably leading myself on, but I'm not sure how that works. Well, anyway. Cycl0n3 is my boyfriend. And no... I'm not smiling about that. I'm sooo not smiling about it. Hey! You can't see me! Stop calling me a liar! I'm an honest famous person- really. I am.

After that, I kind of changed my mind about him a little bit. Well, it was odd. After all of that, he leaned in and whispered in my ear something completely lame and mundane. He had just pulled a late night at work and wanted to know if he could go ahead and sleep here. He was genuinely tired. I could see that, so I agreed. Actually it was really sweet. After all, I wanted him to move in with me. Just because he was in love with me didn't change the fact that I was still tired of living alone. So I agreed of course.

I slept in his bed, so he should be able to sleep in mine, right?

So he did. He went to bed alone, by the way. And nothing happened. Again. Seriously, nothing happened. I may have agreed to date the man, despite the fact that I really don't think I love him, but that doesn't mean that... well.... something would happen. I have standards!

 Anyways, after he went to bed I really felt like I needed to brush my teeth. Three times. So I did! I felt so much better after that, it was amazing. It was like all my cares and worries about Cycl0n3 melted away. I mean, let's face it. I had a ridiculously clean mouth. It was clean enough for me to eat with! Wait... yeah... don't think about that too much.

 Speaking of eating- I did just that. I made some sushi (my favorite). It was a great way to end the day. I was after all taking control of my life. I had almost convinced my best friend to be my roommate, I had cleaned my house, and now I was going to eat my favorite food. Fantastic!

When I got into bed, I ignored the fact that my heart started beating a thousand beats a minute, or that he was so much cuter than I remembered him being.

Well, even though I pretended to ignore it- let's face it, I knew it would be a long night ahead of me.

 And then it really wasn't.
~~~~~~~~~~

Awww, they're dating! How cute. :) I never thought I'd reach this day. I really really didn't.
And as a side note I decided not to fret about my writing style, which I realize is completely lazy and not really a good attitude- but... none-the-less, I'm just going to write it as it comes out.