DOARS- Week 3, Day 3 -Incontinent

Welcome back! Haven't our recent entries been exciting? :) I've certainly enjoyed them. I think though, that our next few entries will be less exciting... but, even though I'm writing this thing, even I really have no idea what's in store for us! lol. Just don't think about that too much.
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Dear Diary,

Today I woke up in the arms of my husband.

That's a pretty big statement for me. I mean, think about it: 1) I'm freely admitting that I have a husband; 2) I'm not expressing any real or imagined commitment issues; and 3) my husband actually broke his nasty habit of leaving me in the mornings after we got married.

See how big that is?

Now, I must say it took me a while to remember that we were in fact married. Honestly waking up with his arms around me was a little scary. Well, at least until I remembered that we'd gotten married. And then the fact that I was a married woman really took over my thoughts. I must say that I'm extremely proud that I didn't freak out more than I did.

Did I do the right thing in marrying him? What happened if he met someone else that actually loved him? What if I had a baby? What if I was a terrible mother? Etc, etc. There were so many new things to worry about.

...but, I'm sure everything will go okay, because let's face it: Cycl0n3 rocks. AND he totally didn't leave me on our first morning as a married couple. How sweet is that? He really is the best.

Needless to say Cycl0n3 was definitely in my good graces. I was so pleased when I heard him get up and mumble to himself. He's adorable right? Well... in between bites of salad I heard what he was mumbling about. He was trying to calculate when I could have our first child. I think I choked on my food, or maybe I just inhaled it, or whatever, it was extremely unpleasant.

I do not want a baby.

I mean, I hadn't even told my husband that I loved him. How were we even slightly ready for a baby?

The only thing that I really wanted at that moment was to not be pregnant. Cycl0n3 and I really should have talked about kids before we got married. No matter, it was something we could discuss even though we already were married. I mean, surely he'd understand that I wanted to wait until I was ready, right? I had a career, after all, we were newly weds, I still wasn't even sure if I was in love with my husband, etc, etc. He'd understand... maybe.

Well, I decided to put off talking to him about it until after I cleaned the house. That was a good idea right? I'm not sure why, but after getting married I wanted to be a lot more domestic than I had been. Maybe it was because I was cleaning for someone else now? Ha! Yeah, I didn't think so either. I think it was just the fact that cleaning took my mind off of how unprepared I really was to be married to my husband.

While cleaning the toilet I realized that this marriage was going to be a lot of hard work. And I wasn't ready.

Ready or not, for better or worse, here I was. C'mon, I'm Lynn Winslow, I can handle anything. I can totally make this marriage work, even if I wasn't madly in love with my husband. I mean, I really liked him a lot. I was totally into him. I liked him way more than I liked anyone else that I'd ever known, that would be enough right?

On a side note, while making the bed I noticed that it was not the same bed. Then I thought back to the previous night, and had I not been so distracted at the time, I probably would have noticed that the bed was different then, too. Now I had a conundrum. Did Cycl0n3 change it or did the gnomes?

I was just about to ask him when he started going on excitedly about how married and happy he was. I can't really say how I felt about that. I mean, why didn't I feel that excited? Actually it was just a little annoying, though really sweet that he was so happy about us.

I did the only thing I could think of. I told him point blank that I didn't want to have any children with him.

 To say that the room was awkwardly silent for a long time would be an understatement. It would possibly be more accurate to say that the suffocating intensity of what I had just said almost depleted my body of all oxygen before Cycl0n3 said something. Actually I'll never forget what he said. He said that it wasn't a big deal and to let him know if I changed my mind later, because he thought we could have an awesome child. It was kind of heart-breakingly sweet. It was painfully obvious to me that he really wanted to have kids with me. Who was keeping him from being a parent? I was. Yes I felt guilty. I didn't wast too much time feeling like that, though. I might take him up on the offer to change my mind someday, you never know.
I did know one thing, though.
He was seriously the best husband ever. I'm not really sure why I was worried about our marriage in the first place. I should have thought about that more. I mean, of course he'd just go with what I wanted, he was in love with me.

So I invited him to come to the gym to work out with me. Now I know what you're thinking, you're probably saying to yourself that I should be more considerate of him. I should concede to some of his demands. I should be a little bit more loving and what not. All I have to say is this- see that kiss? I totally initiated that.
Oh yeah, and please don't forget that I have yet to disagree with him, so I'd say I'm being pretty yielding. Oh and who said he had any demands anyways? Goodness, you people say the weirdest things. I'm probably the best wife ever.... er, well... the best wife out of all the wives who were never really convinced that they loved their husbands when they got married.
Yeah.... not really something to brag about... I think I'll just shut up now.

Okay, but what other woman could say that they got their husband to work out with them? I mean, sure, I may have bribed him into doing it. Who could blame me, though? Cycl0n3 working out was both entertaining and painful. Poor guy could not have been worst suited to the activity. Ha! I think I laughed for the whole afternoon. He stuck it out, though. Even if he still looked a little lame after hours and hours of trying to figure out what he was doing. Heh. Cycl0n3 working out, I can't even say (write) that without giggling.

Our evening plans involved schmoozing at Monica's party.... which she had to ditch for work. Well a party can still be a party even without the hostess. Tony failed to ruin it. No gnomes showed up. BUT, it was me and Cycl0n3's first party together, so I enjoyed it none-the less. Was there anything fun to do? No. Was there anything tasty to eat? Not until Cycl0n3 made some. Was the company that much fun? Not really, only Cycl0n3 was. So why did I enjoy the party? Cycl0n3 was there, I mean, helloo, everything was better with him around... even lame parties.

While I was talking to Monica's husband, Gus, Cycl0n3 snuck out to go tend to his fledgling garden. I'll go ahead and take the time here to note that I was shocked and dismayed that anything grew. I really didn't expect it. The mere thought that there would be a garden in my front yard is just.... man, so unbelievable. I totally just rolled around on the ground laughing before I could finish that sentence. I mean seriously, you're laughing too, right? Well, I guess more ridiculous things have happened. I mean... I'm Lynn Sw0rd now, aren't I? Oh yeah, hey that's right. I did change my name. Lol! I had better stop calling myself Lynn Winslow. Hehehe. I should probably feel worse about that than I do. Heh. Honest mistake.

Well, back to the subject at hand. Cycl0n3 in his garden was really quite attractive. I think he had the kind of  looks that really grew on a person. I mean sure, at first I didn't think he was much to look at. And when he wet himself the first time I went to his house he was... um, a lot to look at, but in a bad way. Now though, I barely ever laughed when I looked at him. Well, I barely ever laughed at him, it was more with him now. Yeah. I'll keep telling myself that. Heh. Incontinence. heheh.

Anyways, somehow I managed to convince my husband that there were better things he could be doing. Heh, did that sound as bad to you as it did to me?

 Tonight, though, as we drifted off to sleep I told him I loved him. I think I meant it, too.

Trying to remember my own name,

Lynn Sw0rd