DOARS- Day 11 - Walk of Shame

Dear Diary,


It was the oddest sensation, waking up in someone else's bed. The only comforting thing about that experience was that I was (thankfully) alone! Imagine if someone else had been there to witness my horror and confusion as I awoke! Just the thought makes me shudder. Bleh, I hate shuddering. Feels weird.

So after composing myself, I wandered around the house looking for Cyclon3. Why specifically him and not just anyone? I'm getting to that, I mean, I've met a few of the other people who live here, but I don't really know any of them, and mainly I just wanted to see him and say goodbye and be on my merry way. Unfortunately, he had already left for work and he didn't even have the good sense to leave me a note! How hard would that be? A note, 4 words, 'I left for work,' or if that's too much, what about just, 'I'm working'? I'm not asking for a lot here, just common courtesy! Is that too difficult? I think not! Psh. Men. I guess, I thought me and Cyclon3 were tight, but whatever. I just don't know about him. Sometimes (rarely) I think, maybe, just maybe... you know? Other times though, that man is definitely not someone I'd want to have around... all the time.

Whatever, I suppose working with toddlers all day everyday has me thinking about them more. Honestly, they're not as bad as I was expecting and maybe I do want one eventually. Of course to have a tot, I'd need a man, and there really aren't any around. Even Leighton is back with recently divorced Zelda Mae. As far as I'm aware Cyclon3 is the only single guy around, not that I'm going to settle for him, just cos he's the only one available! I'm only gonna marry someone I'm totally crazy in love with, and I guess we'll see if Cyclon3's it. Wait, what am I saying? Just ignore me. I'm. not. getting. married. So there, no man, no kids, nada, got it?

Where is my head today? Who knows, I think I left it on that strange pillow this morning. So I after standing like a doofus in Cyclon3's kitchen for forever, I did the only thing I could think of, which was run away. That's right, I bolted before someone started talking to me. I was not fit for talking to anyone today, in fact I wasn't even really fit to be thinking about anything, so I just zoned out. Or I tried to, anyways.

I kinda get stuck in my own head a lot, so it was harder than I was expecting to zone out for the rest of the day. Basically to escape reality, I just ran and ran and ran on that death trap. Is it bad that a part of me wished it actually was a death trap? That way I wouldn't have to deal with my life anymore... That's crazy, right?

Sure, I have to work super hard, I only have a few friends, my life revolves around my work and I have absolutely no solid hopes for the future, but I love my life! *eesh* Did that sound a terrible to you as it did to me? What am I gonna do with myself? My life's a mess... my head is a mess. Now you can see why I'm trying to stay out of it today.

After jogging myself silly, I showered and it was off to work for me. Rather boring, if I say so myself. Oh well, I really didn't feel like an interesting day, I just hope that tomorrow is nothing like today was. Bleh. That'd be awful! I can't take another day of this, I'm gonna lose my head!

At work, I was unexpectedly promoted to minor leaguer, though. That made my day, sort of. The guys from the team hung out with me and the tots today (and no doubt recommended me for that sudden promotion), so I made friends of Jack Bunch and Marty Keaton. They're both happily married. Ulgh. As you can imagine, that did not help my current mental state, at all. The only things they wanted to do were play with the toddlers and reminisce about their own kids and how wonderful being a parent is. Not what I needed! Now let me just say in a very quiet voice, I think I may just be wrong about wanting to stay single forever. The scary part of me that wants to get married and have children is growing, and thus far I haven't be able to get rid of it.

So what did I do after work, even though I was exhausted and almost about to pass out? I worked out some more! ... for 4 hours.... Let's just say that I really really want to sleep well tonight. I mean, tomorrow when I wake up, I just want to be myself again.

Miserably confused,

Lynn Winslow