DOARS- Day 12 -Gooey Center

Dear Diary,

Thank goodness yesterday is over! All that confusion, all that softness, bleh. I'm done with that. Today, I'm determined to hate the world, because that makes me happy.

I start your scheduled programming with a demonstration of why I hate the world. The world- or at least the laws of nature- dictates that one needs nourishment to continue. I defy you, world! Food? HA! Watch me starve! And yet, I know I have to cave in or die.

Stupid world, why can't I go on not eating if that's what I chose? Why must I always be told what to do? Eat, Lynn. Shower, Lynn. Work, Lynn. Run on the treadmill, Lynn. Make friends, Lynn. Stop killing innocent birds, Lynn. Meh. This world with all of its rules and regulations, constantly bossing me around. I hate it. And really, how can a bird be innocent? It chirps.

Not only must I eat to go on living... and hating the world, I also get extremely uncomfortable if I don't. How is that fair? It's like a form of torture, 'You'll be uncomfortable if you don't give in to our demands,' Imagine the world is part of the mafia, and it's saying that to you. Maybe now you understand my frustration. Stupid world... but the waffles were pretty tasty, and maybe I'll eat them more often.

More reasons to hate the world: cheap showers always break and flood your bathroom with questionable water. It's like a plot to kill me by drowning (keeping in mind that the world is the muscle for a mafia, and I'm not playing nice with his mafia buddies). So far I've managed to hold back the flood waters, but what if one day I can't? If I drown it's all that shower's fault. That and the world. I mean, this stupid world makes you breath air. Why can't I breath water if I so chose? Why must I be so limited in how I chose to continue living? "You'll be dead, if you don't cede to our demands."
What? I'm sure that's the right way to use 'cede.' What are you picking on me for anyways? I'm not the criminal using it in the first place! It's the world, it's the one using questionable vocabulary, I'm just writing down what it said.

Back to the non-literary discussion part of this diary entry.
Yes it's dark out already. Thanks for asking. No, I didn't just skip a large chunk of the day (by going to work or doing some other activity that I would wish to hide from you, diary). The answer to what appears to be missing time is this: the world stinks, that's what.

Remember yesterday? Remember how I had the brilliant idea to work out until 3 am? Well, guess what? The world (I'm getting tired of calling it that, it's working for the mob after all, so I'm gonna call it Tony, from now on) decided that normal people have to sleep for several hours to be well rested, I just happen to be a normal person, and therefore I didn't wake up until just before noon. Meh. So yes, the sun had already set and I hadn't even really begun my day yet. Okay, fine, yes it's begun already. I was hoping to get to chat a bit with Cyclon3 today. I mean, because of yesterday's weirdness, I thought it would be a good idea to see him and remind myself why he's not spouse material. He is, after all, part of the Tony, the Tony that I hate.

And yes, I realize I didn't clarify earlier, but let me do so now, today is Thursday, and as a minor leaguer, I don't work on Thursdays.

Apparently Cyclon3 does though. He, thankfully, came to the door himself to welcome me. This time he called me, "Lynn." Which was much better than "crazy rabid fitness chick." I think our friendship is improving. Actually I think this was the first time he's called me by name, which was nice. It sounded sort of pleasant coming from him. Peculiar right? I think my name should sound the same no matter who says it, but stupid Tony had to make stupid laws that make stupid people's stupid voices sound stupidly dissimilar. Meh.

As positive reinforcement of him using my name I gave him a present. Now we'll have one less citizen of SV rioting or raving at inappropriate times. Joy. I hate that people can't riot or rave whenever and wherever they please. I hate that I had to read that ridiculous book in the first place. I hate that I'm not a sports star yet, I hate that tomorrow I have to work. Face it, I just really hate everything and everyone that has anything to do with Tony.

Excluding computers, I had forgotten about them. Now, now, stop freaking out. I know, I can't believe I forgot about computers, either, but that's no call to go on a rampage. I still love computers, and I want one for my home quite badly. Which reminds me, I should mention that to the gnomes. Also I should mention Tony to them and see if that can offer any insight into that. The next time I'm home I'll do some laundry as a way to appease them, I can't afford to lose their cooperation. Especially now that we've established that it's me against Tony.

The wonders of computers makes an excellent topic of conversation for days like today. It helps me focus on something that I actually enjoy in this giant expanse of stupidness. I learned from this topic that Cyclon3 shares my love of electronics, and that we might actually have something in common. I also learned that he has kind of a nice smile when he's looking at me like that. Despite this, his smile made me a little uncomfortable. It wasn't uncomfortable like starving is uncomfortable, though. It was more uncomfortable like having to talk to the boss is uncomfortable... if the boss is Leighton (not Tony). Yeah, don't think about it too much. I'm going to stop thinking about it right now, and never think about it again.

Hopefully.

Thankfully, Cyclon3 was there to distract me from making a big deal about anything. He happily jabbered away about computers. Well, 'jabber' is really the wrong verb to use. Wait, is jabber even a real word? Does it have to be a real word to be a verb? Meh, nuances, whatever. I'm using it as a verb here, and hopefully you know what it means. No matter, in my understanding of this potentially-fake-word it kind of has to do with rambling on and on aimlessly, which is not what Cyclon3 was doing here. Actually he was speaking quite intelligently and entertainingly about computers and their role in modern society. There's something about him when he's extolling the virtues of computers, something rather... well... handsome... really. Perhaps it was only attractive because I happened to agree with him on everything he was saying...? Maybe? Know what? I don't care what you have to say and I refuse to listen to your silly theories right now. So there. 'Sides, it was getting quite late and I didn't feel like having to get a taxi to go home, so I figured I'd ask if I could stay over like I did the night before last.

And, I can't really explain what happened next. In fact I'm ignoring it. Let's just say, he thought that was  great idea. Now I'm going to bed. Alone. (That's a good thing, btw.)

Denying everything,

Lynn Winslow

DOARS- Day 11 - Walk of Shame

Dear Diary,


It was the oddest sensation, waking up in someone else's bed. The only comforting thing about that experience was that I was (thankfully) alone! Imagine if someone else had been there to witness my horror and confusion as I awoke! Just the thought makes me shudder. Bleh, I hate shuddering. Feels weird.

So after composing myself, I wandered around the house looking for Cyclon3. Why specifically him and not just anyone? I'm getting to that, I mean, I've met a few of the other people who live here, but I don't really know any of them, and mainly I just wanted to see him and say goodbye and be on my merry way. Unfortunately, he had already left for work and he didn't even have the good sense to leave me a note! How hard would that be? A note, 4 words, 'I left for work,' or if that's too much, what about just, 'I'm working'? I'm not asking for a lot here, just common courtesy! Is that too difficult? I think not! Psh. Men. I guess, I thought me and Cyclon3 were tight, but whatever. I just don't know about him. Sometimes (rarely) I think, maybe, just maybe... you know? Other times though, that man is definitely not someone I'd want to have around... all the time.

Whatever, I suppose working with toddlers all day everyday has me thinking about them more. Honestly, they're not as bad as I was expecting and maybe I do want one eventually. Of course to have a tot, I'd need a man, and there really aren't any around. Even Leighton is back with recently divorced Zelda Mae. As far as I'm aware Cyclon3 is the only single guy around, not that I'm going to settle for him, just cos he's the only one available! I'm only gonna marry someone I'm totally crazy in love with, and I guess we'll see if Cyclon3's it. Wait, what am I saying? Just ignore me. I'm. not. getting. married. So there, no man, no kids, nada, got it?

Where is my head today? Who knows, I think I left it on that strange pillow this morning. So I after standing like a doofus in Cyclon3's kitchen for forever, I did the only thing I could think of, which was run away. That's right, I bolted before someone started talking to me. I was not fit for talking to anyone today, in fact I wasn't even really fit to be thinking about anything, so I just zoned out. Or I tried to, anyways.

I kinda get stuck in my own head a lot, so it was harder than I was expecting to zone out for the rest of the day. Basically to escape reality, I just ran and ran and ran on that death trap. Is it bad that a part of me wished it actually was a death trap? That way I wouldn't have to deal with my life anymore... That's crazy, right?

Sure, I have to work super hard, I only have a few friends, my life revolves around my work and I have absolutely no solid hopes for the future, but I love my life! *eesh* Did that sound a terrible to you as it did to me? What am I gonna do with myself? My life's a mess... my head is a mess. Now you can see why I'm trying to stay out of it today.

After jogging myself silly, I showered and it was off to work for me. Rather boring, if I say so myself. Oh well, I really didn't feel like an interesting day, I just hope that tomorrow is nothing like today was. Bleh. That'd be awful! I can't take another day of this, I'm gonna lose my head!

At work, I was unexpectedly promoted to minor leaguer, though. That made my day, sort of. The guys from the team hung out with me and the tots today (and no doubt recommended me for that sudden promotion), so I made friends of Jack Bunch and Marty Keaton. They're both happily married. Ulgh. As you can imagine, that did not help my current mental state, at all. The only things they wanted to do were play with the toddlers and reminisce about their own kids and how wonderful being a parent is. Not what I needed! Now let me just say in a very quiet voice, I think I may just be wrong about wanting to stay single forever. The scary part of me that wants to get married and have children is growing, and thus far I haven't be able to get rid of it.

So what did I do after work, even though I was exhausted and almost about to pass out? I worked out some more! ... for 4 hours.... Let's just say that I really really want to sleep well tonight. I mean, tomorrow when I wake up, I just want to be myself again.

Miserably confused,

Lynn Winslow

DOARS- Day 10 -Death On A Stick... machine

Dear Diary,

Today really wasn't anything special, and yet it was good. Isn't that great? I just know that you love reading about my boring life. every day. So without further ado, I'll tell you about my 10th day in SV (which started promptly at 4:58 am, yay! NO BIRDS!).

First, let me start my saying that the gnomes got the idea and gave me a mirror. It's not very nice, but I suppose it's better than nothing. I mean, it is kinda nice to be able to see what I'm doing when I'm brushing my teeth.

I dug right into yesterday's pancakes, which were a little rubbery, but they were food, and I didn't have to cook them today.

I cleaned everything in the house and dumped a bunch of garbage, which was oddly satisfying. I feel much better about my house now. Hopefully the gnomes will appreciate it, too.

With all that extra time from waking up early I had time to use the other thing the gnomes got for me. That's right, the death trap. I just can't seem to get the hang of it! Stupid pesky gnomes! I would rather have not had anything than this thing! Ok, fine, you're right, that's not entirely true, I'm happy to have some exercise equipment of my own, even if it's not my preferred way to work out. (Though I do seem to be using it a lot, don't I?)

I take a super quick shower and run off to work, actually I was in such a rush that I didn't even have time to rant about the shower being ice cold. At least the gnomes got part of my demands right, even if they didn't fix my shower.

The stadium was unusually empty when I got there, which also meant there were no signs of toddlers. It stayed like that until they all showed up at once. Grr! Oh well, they seem to be getting used to me (sort of), but none of them have started providing me with gossip, so I really don't see any benefits to this specific job. Though, it isn't as bad as I was expecting and I do take back what I said about them being carnivorous monsters, they really aren't monsters, just miniature trouble makers.

Cyclon3 invited me to his party! Which started at 5, while I was still working. Against my better judgement I went after work, and he seemed happy to see me there. It was sweet that he invited me, IMO. Leighton had hosted several parties since I moved here, and although he and I have been friends for longer than Cyclon3 and I, and he's never invited me to any parties. Though, now that I mention it I'm not sure why I'm comparing them, I guess it just seemed logical thing to do, right?

Okay, okay, I'll stop  playing dumb, I'm actually pretty intelligent, you know. Cyclon3 is single, I am single, we get along pretty well, etc, etc. Well, for you're information I know that I could pursue him if I wanted, I just don't want to. Really. There's nothing between us. I found him initially attractive, but since I think he's most likely a loser, although a sweet loser, still a loser. When I'm famous and rich, will I really want to be married to a loser? No, not really. That is why I'm not thinking about Cyclon3 like that. Understand? Well, I don't really care what you say, because I get it and since I'm the one making the decisions, that's all that matters. So there.


Anyways, Cyclon3 said that since I looked super tired I could crash at his place, so I am.

Goodnight, diary.

Sleepy and boring,

Lynn Winslow

DOARS- Day 9 -Forbidden

Dear Diary,

Birds chirping, again. Meh. I'm still not used to it. So I decided this morning, that I'm going straight home and to bed tonight. I want to be up early tomorrow, cos this bird thing is the worst way to wake up. It's ruined my whole day! ... And do I really have to make this bed? Really?

My laundry hamper was full, and for what? What did you do for me yesterday gnomes? Anything? You better pay me back for this laundry that I did this morning!

I dutifully took the laundry out of the washer once it had finished, I may not be too happy with those lazy gnomes today, but I was determined to keep my end of the deal. They had better make it worth my while, I want a mirror in my bathroom and an exercise bench. I made sure to vocalize my demands while hanging the laundry. I think they get the point, don't you?

Proof positive that the birds ruined my day, my shower was ice water, again. Now on a normal day, maybe I don't mind so much, maybe I'm even anticipating a cold shower, but with the birds chirping away and distracting me I forgot that I don't have hot water. And the shower was not the relaxing one that I hoped for. I added that to my list of vocal demands for the gnomes. I want a shower with hot water.

How does time pass so quickly? Oh yeah, I can't wake up before those pesky birds start chirping. What happened to my early rising? I miss it. Hopefully when I'm big and famous I'll get earlier work hours. I guess we'll find out (because I will make it to the top)! So I make something to eat and have no time to eat it! In fact I'm late to work and starving on my first day of Toddler Coaching. Can you believe it? UGH! Could this day get worse? No!

But it can get a little better, as I see that fine looking boss of mine jog into work. Mmm hmm, he's looking better and better everyday. *dreamy sigh*

I'll take this time to let you know that I'm sure it will be my face on this picture in no time. Isn't that great? I love thinking about things like that, it always makes me feel better.... especially when I'm expending myself to chase down a particularly evil child named Juston (The Keaton boy, who is also my neighbor.)

The only thing to do after what was too hideous a day to describe to you, is jog home and hope that I will be able to just plop down and go to sleep.

I was about to head in to bed when Leighton called. I will always stay up and talk to him, no matter how sad that is. Will we ever be together? No. Not ever. I'm sorry if you're thinking that we ever will be. I'm I totally crazy about him? Yes, but I've already had to admit all the reasons this will never work and they're not going to change. Believe me, no one is sorrier than I am for it.

After we hung up, I'm a little bit sad, a little depressed, and feeling like maybe I should do one last thing for the gnomes before I go to sleep. So I finish up the laundry and head to bed. Why must I want what I can't have?


Eternally pathetic,

Lynn Winslow

DOARS- Day 8 Dates and Contracts

Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning around 7. The first thought that entered my mind was that I did not want to spend the whole day with toddlers. Then I remembered that today is Sunday, and I have the day off. So I got out of bed feeling much better, and very relieved. Which of course led me to remember that my house is a completely different place now. So I went on a tour.

Which started, obviously, with the room that is immediately attached to my bedroom, also known as the main room. It had a kind of beachy feel and was a thousand times better than yesterday's rotting wood.

 My stomach and the fridge (and possibly my chaotic mind) distracted me and instead of finishing the tour of my not-so-hovel-like-house, I fixed breakfast.

Which was quite tasty and I ate it at the now paint covered table and chairs. It would take a little getting used to, but thus far the changes in my home were much easier on the eyes. Even if I'm not really all that fond of blue. Though I can't say that I thought the previous look of the table and chairs really needed to be redone. Oh well, whoever changed things around certainly thought so.

After I finished breakfast I remembered that I hadn't finished my tour, so I went into the bathroom and looked around. More blue. BUT! It wasn't rotting wood, and I could deal with a color that isn't my favorite as long as it didn't look like it was falling apart, right?

Well, of course, even though everything looks different, it isn't really and the shower is in fact falling apart. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Would I have dealt with the shower right away if my phone hadn't rang? It is likely, but my phone did ring. Turns out, people have been noticing that I'm hanging with a slightly famous crowd (I do work with professional athletes, you know) and my 'manager' (I have one of those?) thought it would be good for me to work out and get a little more toned. As my plans for the day already included working out, I readily agreed, and hoped this 'manager' was trustworthy.

I spent a little of my free time cleaning up around the house, I really did like to live in a clean place, even if I didn't particularly enjoy being the one that cleaned it.

Next up was the dastardly shower that pours icy water over me every day. I doubt that my showers will be any warmer now that I've fixed the shower. In fact, I'm not even sure I have a hot water heater here. I mean, have you seen one? I certainly haven't.

Fixing the shower naturally led to mopping up all the water that had covered the floor. After all, I wouldn't wan to slip and bump my head and die, or worse yet drown. That would be awful, it's best to take care of things when they happen, you know.

And then I noticed that I have a dishwasher now. Which made me pause before loading it with dishes. Of the things I had complained about (loudly) I had most of them now. Sure I paid for them, but I didn't actually acquire them myself... and I was constantly washing someone else's laundry. I made the conclusion that I'm sure you have already reached. The gnomes were hacking into my funds and purchasing the things I needed, they also had used their gnome powers to change the appearance of my house, and in return for them taking care of me, I was to wash all their laundry. It seemed like a fair deal, really.

As it seemed appropriate to do so, I immediately started some laundry. Hopefully the gnomes will take that as agreement of the contract on my part.

 Feeling satisfied that I had mystical ceramic creatures on my side, I left the door unlocked and went for a jog around down. I jogged for a large portion of the day. Now, I may not like birds chirping, but that isn't to say that I don't enjoy the wonders of nature. In fact, the sunset was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen and I began to understand why this place is called Sunset Valley. I must say the marvelous views and the overwhelming beauty of my jog left me in a peculiar mood. I was much more amiable than usual and I was feeling high on life.

So when Cyclon3 flagged me over, I obliged him and went to hear what he had to say. Now, let me be clear about this, Cyclon3 and I were not friends. We have chatted a few times, I've visited his house a few times, but we were still only acquaintances. Or, on the cusp of friendship, you could say. Just to be ever more clear, I felt no obligation to come over, I merely did because I was in a very good mood.

He asked me to dinner, to which I agreed. Free dinner? I'm all there, you know. After we got to the restaurant he started mumbling and doing calculations on his fingers. Yes, he didn't really have the money to take me out. I felt bad for him. I mean, two days ago he peed his pants in front of me and we weren't even friends, and now here he was (embarrassingly) unable to buy me the dinner he promised. You know, sometimes I can be nice, and I decided to demonstrate that here. I bought him dinner. Turns out my fame is getting around town, and I got it half off. Score!

It was the oddest thing, we were outside eating, laughing, having a good time, cracking computer jokes and it hit me. Cyclon3 was the only person that I wanted to be hanging out with at that very moment. I wouldn't have even rathered to be eating with Monika Morris (now Hart, as she married the town loon), which is really saying something as Monika is my best friend and until this point I had thought that everything would be more enjoyable with Monika around. Obviously, here at dinner I realized that that was inaccurate.

After dinner I invited Cyclon3 back to my house to show me some of his "wicked hopscotch skilz" as he put it. The oddness of the day continued and as I excitedly pointed out one of my favorite constellations I looked back to him, and realized that he had only been looking at me the whole time I'd been ranting about the stars. It made me a little uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. I think I might have blushed, but I'm not really sure why. I mean, Cyclon3 and I are just friends, and really just barely friends, at that.

I did the only thing I could do, which was clear my throat and hand him a rock, declaring that he could go first. That was the hospitable thing to do, right?

Eventually he won the game. That was quite surprising, usually I am the master of hopscotch, but for some reason I just couldn't get into it today. My game was off and I kept messing up. Despite my innate love for the game, I honestly enjoyed watching him play it more. I don't think I need to say that that was unsettling, but I will anyway. It was unsettling, at best.

 Around 2 am, we were both exhausted and hopscotch'ed out, so I called it a night and he called a taxi. I watched him leave and almost wished that he didn't have to. We really did have a fun time hanging out, and it would have been nice if we hadn't been so tired, we could've danced or worked out together, or something.


No matter, it was a good day, although a little confusing, and undoubtedly the strangest day yet, here in Sunset Valley.

Unable to stop smiling for no apparent reason,

Lynn Winslow