DOARS- Week 9, Day 7- Little Miracles

Welcome back! For those of you who are monitoring Raquel's pregnancy, you may be very excited to see this post, as she's due to give birth today! Yay! I'm excited, you're excited, we're all excited, so let's get on with it, eh?
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Dear Diary,

This morning when I woke up, the other members of the family were going about their business much like they always do.


My father was messing around with his genetic experiments.


My husband was messing around with his scientific experiments.



And I woke up feeling very strange. On my way to find Rommich, I realized why.

Rommich rushed me to the hospital, and just two hours later we went home with William.

When we got back home, my mother was tending to the garden. A task she immediately left to come coo over William and tell me that he looks just like his father. That's true, William does look an awful lot like Rommich. Actually, he doesn't look anything like me. If I hadn't just given birth to him, I might wonder if he was really mine.


My dad was waiting for us in the newly furnished nursery section of our room. His baby girl had just had a baby of her own, and he was so happy, and trying so hard not to cry. It was touching, really. My father was a quiet man who kept his feeling close to his chest, seeing him so moved over William made me love my father even more. He was going to be a great grand-father.


William was such a little thing. He fell asleep in my arms before we even came home. It almost stirred something inside me. Almost.

My mother took him until she had to go to work. She said I needed to rest and recuperate after having a baby, but I saw the look in her alien eyes. The joy of being a grandmother was tempered by fear and sadness. I'm not William's mother, and she could tell. Well, genetically I'm his mother, but the bond just wasn't there and I couldn't hide that from her.

While my mother watched William, Rommich rushed off for his mandatory singing in the park. The minimum he was obligated to perform every day was two hours. I might have resented him for it, for leaving his brand new baby for a few hours, but I didn't. I only wished that I could have gone with him.

I know what I'm supposed to feel for William and I don't feel it. I'm supposed to love him, to want to hold him... I'm supposed to feel something, but I can barely look at him. The only thing I feel when I hear him whimper is guilt. I never should have had him.

My brother came over as Rommich was getting home. He needed to talk about the assignment I'd be starting as soon as my maternity leave was up. I tried to pay attention, really I did. It was something about breaking into the local concert hall and then delivering the goods.. somewhere, but I couldn't focus, my thoughts were consumed by the fact that I was going to have to be home with William for the next four work days, while my parents hovered, and watched me like a hawk; while they were probably judging me for everything I did wrong as a mother.

As soon as my brother left an intense exhaustion came over me and I excused myself to bed. Maybe the only thing that was wrong with me was being worn out after giving birth. Maybe when I wake up I'll feel like a mother. That must be it... right?

But that night, something very strange happened...
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I've often said of my stories that they take a mind of their own and I just write them as I feel fit. Maybe that's why my writing style isn't consistent and my stories never get finished, lol. But still, I wanted William to be what Raquel needed to start feeling some joy. I really did... but... she just wasn't having it. When William was born Raquel just wasn't feeling it, despite being a Family Oriented sim.

DOARS- Week 9 Day 6- The Sun Will Come Out

Welcome Back! I'm working very diligently to get back into the swing of writing. Technically I'm behind two days, but I haven't played in FOREVER, so it'll probably be quite a while after the next chapter before we see an update. But, I know that you guys will wait around patiently cos you're good like that. :)

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Dear Diary,

Today I did not have to remember anything when I woke up. I had nightmares all night about every terrible thing that could happen to the growing life inside me. I'd go into details, but then I'd have to relive it, and that is not something I'm willing to do. Experiencing it once was more than sufficient for a lifetime.

I must say I'm changing so much more than I expected, now that I'm about to be a mother. My view on life is infinitely different. I worry about what kind of example I'm setting, how to live a good life, how to be honorable, how to develop good work habits. How does one raise a healthy well adjusted child? How did my parents do it? I'm so fortunate to still have them in my life. I could do it alone, with just Rommich and I, but it's so much better that we have my parents. I only hope I don't give into the temptation to make it all their responsibility.

Let's face it. I'm a smuggler. I'm a sell out. I'm a hypocrite. I don't deserve to be a mother, I don't deserve this baby, and I'm just not good enough for it. Wouldn't it be better with my parents?

Now, I know, I'm supposed to tell myself that's wrong. It's my responsibility, it's my child, it will be better with me. I'm just not sure that I believe that. Sure, it is my responsibility, that's absolutely correct, but what's best for my baby? My entire life has been turned on its head, how am I supposed to be sure about anything anymore?



My parents work so well together, will Rommich and I ever have that? I love him with all of my heart, I honestly do. He's for sure the best I could have ever wanted or asked for. There isn't another soul I'd want as my life partner. It's just that this assignment is going to break us. How could it not? I don't see any way out, I don't see any relief, and I sure as hell don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

What are we going to do?

My mother always told me to count my blessings. She said to focus on the little good stuff when life gets you down. Funny that she would say that, right? She worries about everything, every change is a new problem that could wipe out the planet to her! I mean I didn't grow up finding empty toothpaste everywhere and used bottles of soap for nothing.

The thing is, I've read about neurotic sims and it could be so much worse. Maybe focussing on the good things, no matter how small, is how she escaped being totally psychotic? Maybe that's how she learned to cope with it. I mean, she's a far cry from the sim that imprisoned her youngest son in a crypt for his own safety! Or was it a dungeon?  Basement? I can't remember, I only remember that it was an explanation for his infamous life of crime.

But I digress, I'm trying to focus on positive things here. So let's look at the brightside. We're financially stable. That could be one HUGE stress on us, but our baby is not ever going to know what it feels like to be in need, to be poor. That is something I'm truly grateful for.

Also, we live in a beautiful part of the simWorld. Starlight Shores is a gorgeous place for sure! The weather is always nice, the water is perfect for swimming. The neighborhood is nice. There are probably little kids that aren't questionable in any way running around that my baby will grow up with. Aside from my brother, I really didn't have that. That is another thing I really am grateful for.


It looks like my family weren't the only ones uprooted from Sunset Valley. I wonder what they did to tick off the alien counsel. I mean, people only move here as a punishment, right?

You know, I really shouldn't complain too much about the location. Every sim dreams of living in Starlight Shores. We've got celebrities, career opportunities, great weather. What more could you want from a location?

We've got open to the public sim fests to show off new talent. Before too long it's gonna be Rommich on that stage performing. It'll be wonderful to see the crowds go wild for him. He may not be at all suited to being a celebrity, but his singing is pretty fantastic. I can guarantee that he never would have sung to me if he hadn't received this assignment. So that's not bad, either.

Plus, he's excited about our baby. I wish I could be more excited, like him.

But for now it's enough that he is. He's going to be a great father. I know he's wanted children for a long time. He's wanted a family for a long time. Sometimes I forget about how much older than me he is, but he's been wanting a family for about as long as I've been alive. I'm so happy that no one snatched him up before I could. His determination to keep living the life he wants even though we're forced into unappealing careers does a lot to keep me from totally losing my mind and falling into a deep depression. Not that I'm happy. I wouldn't go that far, but maybe, with Rommich by my side, maybe I will be happy in time. Maybe.

I know my family is worried about me. My mother keeps telling me that my mood will affect my baby. I don't want that. That's why I'm trying to be better. I want to give this baby everything it deserves. Even if I have to live a life of crime, maybe I can hide it from my children. They don't have to know what I do, just that I work. Won't that be better?


In other news that may or may not affect the future of this family, my father has found a new toy. One that really freaks my mother and me out. He's messing with the genetic codes of things and cloning and all sorts of scientific things that could potentially go awry.

No matter, though, he's smart, he's responsible, and I have so much on my plate that I'm not going to add a potential worry to my list of misery.

Rommich made sure that I ended the day on a happy note. He stayed in bed with me until I fell asleep. That was very sweet of him. When he's right next to me I feel like we might actually have a chance after all.

Plus, this maternity leave means a delay in joining the smuggling business. That can't be a bad thing, right?

Hoping for happy dreams,

Raquel Thobanob

DOARS- Week 9 Day 5- The Smuggler and The Singer

Welcome back! After several months and edits on the most recent chapters, I'm sure you guessed that a new chapter would come out before too long. I apologize for my melodramatic-ness and the halt on the DOARS.  Everything's so much better now and as long as the inspiration flows, the DOARS will, too!
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Dear Diary,

Waking up to a house full of activity is just the thing to make one feel left out. It's like when you're a kid and you get sent to bed early cos you need your sleep, but your parents are still up watching tv. Or if you wake up extra late on Saturday morning, only to hear voices in the kitchen and when you get there the last bite of the last gooey cinnamon roll is going into your brother's mouth. It's these kinds of memories that I have when I first wake up... pretty much every day now.



And then I remember. Those silly memories are down right happiness compared to the remembering. For just a moment when I wake up, I'm a little girl wondering what her family's been up to while she slept. Then I remember. I'm a smuggler. I steal from good people to rebuild a civilization on another planet. Not that that is a terrible goal, but... me, a thief? I have values. I have morals. I'm family oriented, I'm good. Really I am, deep down, I'm a good person, isn't there a way I can help the cause that doesn't involve living a life of guilt?

Not only that, but I'm going to be a mother soon. The signs are undeniable. Rommich and I are going to be parents. How will we raise a child and teach it to live a good life, when we can't set a good example?

My parents are good, honest people. They're upstanding citizens. My mother led a clean life in spite of fame and fortune. She showed celebrities that they can resist the snare and temptations associated with stardom. My father found comfort in the ground, in getting his hands dirty with hard work. There's no way that I can do as good a job parenting as they did.


We weren't the only ones facing that dilemma. My brother called to reconnect with Rommich and talk about the same problem. Or a similar one anyway. His assignment was to become the emperor of evil. Only his problem, I'll admit, was more severe than my own, because he loved it, and he hated loving it. It's no secret that my brother is evil. He tries so very hard to be good, he came so far and did so well to be the best sim he could be, to resist that ever lurking dark side. How could they do this to him? If he was surrounded by evil, surely he'd succumb.

It was a sad reality that I had to face. Someday I was going to lose my brother. This would surely destroy his life, his marriage, his children, who he had tried so hard to be.

But the counsel wasn't done with us yet. Zhiddezoe called Rommich out for one last assignment. My scientifically minded husband was going to be pulled in another direction. All this just so that we could be together.

He came home, late, exhausted, his voice hoarse and told me his assignment. The smuggler and the singer. They could not have picked two roles less suited to us. But they knew that already.

My parents left the house to get away from all the gloom and doom. The house was filled with it, no doubt. Rommich and I just started our lives together. We were so excited, so happy, so in love, so eager to build our future. Then we had the rug ripped from beneath our feet. We'll get through it together, we'll make it, we'll figure out how to be happy, but this isn't the life I was expecting, and it's going to be a struggle for sure.

At least my parents can find comfort in each other, though. They were each other's island.

Their happy outing ended in heartbreak. Zhiddezoe passed away. We'd had our ups and downs with her, to be sure. What she wanted and what we wanted never quite lined up, but she was a good woman. As her soul faded away she whispered, "I'm sorry, I tried to save them."

She fought to the last for the greater good, and I will forever remember her as one of the most honorable people I've ever known.

Over the morose burnt dinner, my husband announced my pregnancy. It had to be done, after all pregnancies only lasted so long, but the timing couldn't have been worse.

My first child should have been a period of rejoicing, but no rejoicing could be done. Our emotions raw, our futures uncertain, how could we rejoice that a new life would be thrown into this hell-hole?

Starlight Shores was going to be the death of us.

Unprepared as always,

Raquel Thobanob

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This is just too dark for me, I'm going to have to find a way to lighten it up!

I thought this was great, though! As soon as Zhidd died, Lynn got this wish. Aww, I'm gonna miss that questionable old lady.

Seriously, another 6 month break?

Hello!

Hello? Anyone there? Well.... if there is I'll leave this for them. :)

Where in the world have I been?!? First I left mysterious comments about a terrible break-up and then a strange comment about being happy again and then BAM off the face of the map! I don't know why any of you still put up with me!

However! I can explain a few things. I have and have had great plans for Raquel and Rommich since their love began. I've been itching to write it, as it's a story very near to my heart (based off one of the love stories that I've always wanted to model my love life off of), but I just couldn't write it earlier this year. I'm not a talented writer, I can't divorce my writing from my real life issues and it left this couple that I sincerely love in a quandary of doubt insecurity that the readers picked up on. That is completely not how the story was supposed to go. Being in a relationship that was really bad for me at the time would have completely destroyed Raquel and Rommich had I kept writing them. But, as I'm a fairly stable person, and certainly a person that doesn't let a bad relationship continue for anything longer than 3 months, I knew that Raquel and Rommich could have their day if I stopped trying to force it.

"If you don't let bad things continue for more than 3 months and this relationship you keep talking about started in February, then where in the world have you been since the end of May?!?" You might ask me that. That's a valid question.

On June 1st I met the love of my life. I was not expecting it at all. I had just ended an on and (mostly) off again relationship of two years and I tried really hard to let this one go. I told myself I wasn't ready. Well, when it's true love, it's true love... and he was persistent. Anyways long story short, I started dating this fantastic man who took all my free time, and then we got engaged and then we got married, moving me about 500 miles north of where I was (back to where I grew up) and completely changing my life.

But! I have my computer set up now. I have sims 3 installed. I have a new addiction to League of Legends (DARN IT!), but keep an eye on this blog as the DOARS may just be making an appearance.

Also, after reviewing the last few posted chapters, some of them may get re-writes, just a heads up. Any re-written chapters will be announced. :)

EDIT:
Week 9, Day 1 got a new poem at the end to replace the other one.

Week 9, Day 2 was almost completely re-written.

Week 9, Day 3 got some rewrites as well.