Chapter 3.2: If you love something let it go

Last time in The Lost and Found Thiel Legacy (now to be known as TLFTL), Aaron lost his beloved father, set on a mission to make the love of his life real, became the heir, and made the love of his life real. Any questions? No? Well, hopefully not, if you have some leave a comment on here or boolprop. So, I will be continuing the first person narrative for this chapter. I make no promises about continuing it for every chapter, but at least until Aaron's bits are over. :) I'm really nervous about this chapter, it definitely goes out of what I'm comfortable writing, but that's just because I don't write anything emotional (I have an ice cold heart you know). So please leave me some feedback about it and let me know if the emotions and sentiments that follow make sense. And thanks for reading!

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I did it! I can't believe it. Cuddles is real and beautiful and right in front of me and everyone can see her. All my hard work, all the sleepless nights, it's all paid off and now she can live the life she's always deserved.

It would be lying to say that she is 100% thrilled with the change. After all, having lived her life in a completely different manner until this point, Cuddles is left at a loss for how to live like a real person. It's challenging for her, but I believe in her.

I can't fully understand what she's going through, but I'm there for her as much as I can be. She's much more emotional about this whole thing than I expected. I suppose I did think she would at least be mostly happy about finally being real. Her existence no longer depends on my own, but hearing that never seems to cheer her up.

Due to how difficult this has been for her I haven't told her how I feel about her. I don't want to push her too much. I already feel a little guilty about making her real. It seems like that's not what she wanted all along. I was so wrapped up in what I thought to be a noble goal that I'm not sure that I took her desires into account, and as far as I know, there's no way for her to go back to being imaginary, I can take away her corporeal form, but that would leave her in a death-like state. She's still my Cuddles and I'm not going to send her to a pseudo-grave. 

I just don't know any more. I'm filled with all these doubts and uncertanties. Did I make a mistake when I gave her the imaginary metaphorum potion? Even if she's not terribly happy about it- did that make it wrong? Was forcing her to live the life of a real person in her best interests?

That's not to say that everything has fallen apart, it hasn't. Making her real wasn't the magical fix that I wanted it to be, but we still have good times. Cuddles and I still spend the majority of our time together, or at least in the same room. She's been helping me with my inventions and I've been teaching her how to live while people can see her.

Cuddles seems to be doing a little better. Just after the transition, and for several months after, she withdrew into her shell, but now she's starting to be herself again. She's always had a quirky sense of the world, and it was nice to see that come back- even if it was in the form of ghost stories. It's relieving, though, Cuddles and I had a light-hearted friendship for all those years and I really was starting to get worried that we'd never make it back to how we were, but we have. She is still every bit the woman that I love with all my heart... and now that things have settled down, I think it's time to tell her.

As we finish a brief walk and are about to head back inside I catch her hand and try my hardest to ignore the beating of my heart. It's so loud that I think it may deafen me, and it's beating so furiously it may shatter a few of my ribs, but I've been waiting for this moment for most of my life and I can't keep putting it off. Or can I? I could just tell her that she looks lovely tonight and head back inside. I could do it- or I could come up with something else to say. There will be other chances, if she rejects me this could ruin everything we've built together- a lifetime of friendship and adoration.

The fear of losing her is clutching at my throat. Anxiety has permeated my entire body and I can't feel anything aside from the pounding in my chest. I know that beads of persperation have formed on my forehead and suddenly I can't find any words to speak at all, but it's okay because my mouth is so dry I'm certain nothing would come out even if I knew what to say. The only intelligent thought running through my head is that she looks lovely tonight, she's looked lovely every night, and she will look lovely every night for the rest of our lives... if I don't screw this up.

Who am I kidding? I've already messed it up, I'm standing here looking like an idiot, holding her hand and saying nothing, how could I not have messed this up already? I forced her to live a life that she didn't chose and I still think I have a chance with her? 

Suddenly the words that old saying that I never understood comes floating to my mind, "If you love something let it go." All of her life Cuddles has been under my control, I chose when she grew, I chose what we did, I chose where we went. I freed her from belonging only to me when she became real, and now I can't keep her in my prison. She has the right to make her own choices. If I tell her that I love her and that I'll love her until the day I die, it will only push her into a relationship that she may or may not want. What if she wants to say no, and doesn't know how to? I can't do that to her, I can't ruin her life again. I can't keep making her my slave, it isn't right, and it isn't fair to her.

So as the awareness of my surroundings comes back to me, I try to take a deep breath and I look away. I make an effort to swallow and find my voice. I know it sounds shaky when it finally comes out, "You don't have to stay here anymore, you know? You can find a job and your own place to live, you can start the life that you want to live," I try to swallow again and dare to glace at her face. She looks confused, great, and maybe even a little hurt. I feel like I'm just making the situation worse, so I continue and try to clarify, "I mean, you can live the life you want, instead of the one I've always chosen for you. You're a real woman now, I don't have the right to keep making all your decisions for you, so if you want to leave, then you can. If you want to go and find-" my voice cracks, I have to say it, as much as I don't want to, I have to. I can't keep her imprisoned any longer, "someone that makes you happy, find whatever makes you happy." There I've said it. I can't bring myself to look at her anymore, but I've finally done the right thing. I've finally set her free from her life of slavery to me.

She's quiet, but I guess she doesn't know how to respond. That's okay, she doesn't have to say anything. It's getting late and she probably wants to think things over tonight. I turn to leave, all the energy and hope have left my body. This was never my plan for us, but that's the thing isn't it? It's not about what I want anymore, it's all about what she wants. I can't keep living her life for her. I'm starting to realize that I might have just thrown away all of my chances with her. She could be gone for ever and a sick feeling of dread sinks into my stomach. I'm not sure I know how to live without her. I desperately want her to stay with me, but I can't tell her that. I've gotta get out of here, before I get down on my hands and knees and beg her to stay, before I'm tempted to selfishly take away all her freedom again, just for my own happiness. I've got retreat to the safety of my room, that's what I've got to do.

I've hardly taken a step away from her when her delicate hand tugs at mine, and before I can react and look at her, I feel something I did not expect.

My eyes fling open. I can see her kissing me, I smell her shampoo, I feel her lips on my own, but my brain refuses to interpret. What's going on? Is she really kissing me? Have I passed out and is this some dream world?

A moment passes, and my mind is starting to catch up. She really is kissing me. Hope surges in my heart. This is the best feeling in the world. She cares about me, I don't know how much, but enough to kiss me. I feel as though I've left my body and am floating into the heavens, I don't believe I've ever been this happy.

All to soon Cuddles lips leave mine and it's like I've lost something terribly important. All I can do is stare at her. I can't believe it. She clears her throat and the sudden noise breaks what has been an unnoticeably thick silence. I know I need to say something, she's looking at the ground and now is my chance. If she was as nervous as I was, I have to reassure her. I love her so much I can't bare to keep it from her a moment longer.

My heart starts to race, my mouth becomes dry, but nothing is as intense as it was just a minute ago and I know exactly what to say, "I love you."

She blinks. once. twice. and suddenly looks at me, her eyes are about 10 times bigger than I've ever seen them and a smile is forming on her face. I can tell she's at a loss for words. Suddenly all the joy and relief that I'm feeling bursts out into a delirious laugh.

Did I really just giggle?

I really did. I put my arm around her and look into her eyes and say it again, "I love you," it feels so good to finally say those words. It's a balm to my soul. Each time I say it my ears ring and my heart soars ever higher.

She's grinning now, I don't think I've ever seen her look this happy. This time she giggles, and I never though I could love a sound as much as I love the sound of her giggle. She wraps her arms around my neck; her arms are perfect. Her giggle is perfect. Everything about her is perfect. I am totally crazy in love with this beautiful creature that has graciously draped her arms around my neck.

Maybe I should kiss her again, that would be nice. In fact, I would really love to kiss her. I think I'm going to. I lick my lips slightly, I'm sure they're dry. Surely she doesn't want to kiss dry lips. I lean in ever so slightly, yes I'm going to kiss her.

She's biting her lip and she looks adorable and I have no experience with this kind of thing, but I'm pretty sure she wants me to kiss her, too. I tilt my head to the side and gently, ever so gently, place a kiss on her lips. When my lips leave hers after a moment that lasted for eternity,  I leave my eyes closed for just a moment and relish in the this unparalelled joy. Kissing her is magical.

I open my eyes and try to gauge her reaction. To my suprise and delight, her eyes are still closed, but only for a moment. She inhales softly and opens them. She bites her lip again and this time she speaks, well whispers.

"I love you, too." And the sound of her whisper is better than the sound of her giggling and better than the sound of her voice. In fact, I have never and will never hear a sound so lovely as the woman of my dreams whispering the one thing I've wanted to hear for my entire life. She loves me and I love her.

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Okay, I'm gonna end the chapter here, I know it's not terribly long, but it was really REALLY hard to write. Again, please let me know if it was any good. I worked really hard on it, but if it came across as immature (more so than you thin Aaron would be) please let me know. I won't be offended. :D Constructive criticism is definitely appreciated.