Doars- Day 5- Pillow Wars, the continuation

Dear Diary,

You know how some mornings you wake up and just know that the day is going to be horrible?

This morning as I swung my legs off the bed I stepped on something sharp and I just knew that stepping on a tack would be the highlight of my day.

My suspicions were confirmed when I walked into the bathroom for my morning shower and saw my sink. Eww. I almost threw up, and probably would have if I had eaten breakfast already. It's the filthiest thing I have ever cleaned in my entire life. Bleh.

The shower had no hot water again. ARRRGHGGHGHGHGH! Seriously? No hot water? Shower, did you see my sink before I cleaned it, huh? That's how you repay me for keeping your neighbors clean? YOU DOUSE ME IN ICE WATER?!?

The first thing I notice when leaving the bathroom is that some nauseating smell is coming from my counter. I have no idea what happened, but I think the gnomes may have left a thousand dead things on it over night, which I have no doubt I will find in my laundry hamper the next time I do laundry. Which will not be today, puh-lease, this day stinks enough already without adding something will for sure ruin it.

I walk outside and check my mail. Bills, of course. Because today a nice letter from my family in *name omitted* would be an impossibility. Can't they write once in a while? I lived with them and took care of their house for years and they can't even drop me a line to say " 'sup?" Really? See, that's why I left them. They never appreciated me.

Now by the time I paid the bills I had no doubts that everything would go wrong today, so I chose an activity that had the least chance of going horribly wrong. I mean, I had the option to go to the gym and run on the treadmill- I probably would have broken a leg. I could have gone swimming- no doubt I would have hit my head on the side of the pool and drowned. I could have done my laundry- and got squished to death by the one thing I hate more that hussies (my washing machine). What I did do was read that book for that promotion. It was boring- I learned nothing... well aside from that you should neither riot nor rave near pregnant women and infants. I must confess, rioting and raving have been low on my list of things to do and I have never considered the effect on pregnant women or infants. As that scenario (me rioting/raving around unborn/born babies) is extremely unlikely, I think my previous statement about learning nothing is still accurate, but if you want to be a stickler I'll clarify it: I didn't learn anything useful. Happy now? I'm sure my future potential lawyers that may or may not ever read my memoires are ecstatic now.

I barely finish the book before I notice that I have just enough time to jog to work. Now you may be asking yourself, why in the world would Lynn jog to work on this terrible-rotten-no-good-awful day? My answer for you would be in 3 parts, which I'll explain now. 1) The terrible-rotten-no-good-awful day was actually on day two, today is the terrible-awful-no-good-rotten-day, got it? 2) Which do you think is more likely a pack of rabid dogs/fans attacking me in the two blocks it takes to jog to work or the carpool car breaking down/ not even coming to pick me up? (hint, cars are mechanical monsters that have been known to eat people) 3) Why does it even matter to you? It makes no difference as I did jog to work, I did not take the car pool, and why do you get the right to question my every action, hmm? That's what I thought. Any future doubts about my ability to make good decisions can go through my future potential agent, thank you very much.

I got to work on time, only to get called into Leighton's office. He wanted to ask about the book, which I told him I had read. He laughed and said that I was a spectacular employee and that he really admired my work ethic. I must say my heart fluttered quite a bit and I may or may not have stuttered when trying to thank him for his compliments. He said that that's what friend are for, so I guess we're friends now? Who knows, now I'm sure you're like- look! look! something did go right today? WRONG! Then he asked if sometime I'd like to hang out with him and his significant other... wait for it.... wait for it.... PAULINE WAN!!! Does that woman even need an explanation? If she does you're obviously not from around here. For you foreigners, Pauline Wan is the town hussy who's only rival in number of men she's dated is recently married Zelda Mae... who hopefully has stopped dating everybody. Point is the local hussy is dating Leighton Sekemoto, the finest catch in sunset valley, my boss and my friend. Isn't that just fantastic? Hmm? What is that you say? I should just be happy that I am no longer rabid? Seriously? I'm going through a rough time here, and my heart is possibly broken and that's all you got? Psh, it's a good thing that I more-than-likely have no idea who you are and will never meet you personally.

 After my heart-wrenching experience with Leighton I wandered into the toddler area to chat with Monica, she usually cheers me up and found that Monica was in fact with toddlers. This woman wasn't though, Agnes Crumplebottom, the town widow. She's about as virtuous as they come and was more than happy to hear me ranting about Pauline and hussies in general. She was so happy, in fact, that I think I just made a friend of the only person in town that is actually grumpier than I am.

Grumpy, and potentially clingy. After work she asked to come over to my house, I tried to dissuade her... and failed. Cos that's how I want to spend my evening- with a grieving widow who hates the world (more than I do) and is no doubt going to start whining about something.

There was really only one thing I could do to salvage the situation. That's right, I beat her senseless with my pillow. Studies have shown that no actual harm can come to someone from hitting them with a pillow. Although she was a little disoriented when she left, at least she did leave and our 'friendship' didn't seem to suffer too much for it.

Well, I'm eager to end this day and hit the hay.

The miserably minded,

Lynn Winslow